Introduction
A sponsor is someone who can take you through the Twelve Steps, show you how to apply the programme (the Twelve Steps, the Twelve Traditions, and the Twelve Concepts) to your life, and show you the ropes in AA (or the fellowship you're in). They can show you how to apply the principles so that you can troubleshoot your problems and solve your difficulties with the help of the programme and the Higher Power.
A sponsor is not:
- An emergency or 'blue-light' service
- A taxi
- A doctor
- A psychiatrist
- A therapist
- An analyst
- A nutritionist
- A friend
- A housing service
- An employment agency
- A soothsayer
- An oracle
- A judge
- A moral arbiter
- A citizens' advice bureau
- A bank
- A parent
- A power source
- A life coach
- A motivational coach
- A guru
- A search engine.
How do you pick one?
A good approach, particularly for a first sponsor:
Pick someone from your home group, that is to say, the group that you attend regularly, get the most out of, and ideally perform service at. Pick someone who has completed the Twelve Steps or is at least a good way into their Step Nine amends. Pick someone you find clear, helpful, and straightforward. Pick someone who does not remind you of a parent. A sense of humour helps. Level-headedness helps. Before asking them to sponsor you, test drive the person a few times with questions or problems, and see if their suggestions help.
A note on sympathy and empathy
Some sponsors are very sympathetic and genial. They express abundant compassion and validation. These are not bad qualities, but they are only part of the picture. If you had a broken arm, the doctor's 'bedside manner' might smooth the process of diagnosis and treatment and help make the experience pleasant. Compassion and validation alone, however, stop far short of solving the problem. Moreover, the solution to any problem involves changing my beliefs, thinking, and behaviour, and that requires challenge rather than validation. Ideally, the person is validated, whilst the beliefs, thinking, and behaviour are challenged. This is a tough job for the sponsor, and the distinction is not always understood readily by the sponsee. Prepare, therefore, to be challenged a lot when you are being sponsored. If you can find a sponsor who is not only effective but also genial, that's great. Given the choice, though: go for effective.
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