Step Five

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Read pages 72 to 75.

Key points

  • To stay sober, I have to confess a couple of lists to another person
    • 'Twists of character'
    • 'Dark crannies of the past'
  • Twists of character are where my beliefs, thinking, and behaviour are wrong
  • Dark crannies of the past are my secrets: bad things I've done and bad things that have happened to me.

Finding people to share with

  • I share my Step Five with more than one person
  • I do this to form close bonds with others and rid myself of the sense of 'anxious apartness'
  • I pick people who:
    • Have completed the programme (or at least are most of the way through Step Nine)
    • Take the steps the same way as me
      • Ideally:
        • In the same home group or
        • In the same sponsorship network
    • Are down to earth
    • Observe confidentiality
  • One of the people is my sponsor
  • The others are usually AA friends
  • I seek input from my sponsor
  • I might or might not seek input from my AA friends
  • I clear in advance whether I want input
  • I don't share anything about the person to the person
  • I don't share anything to the person that might upset them

Instructions

  • Summarise the Step Four
  • Note that Step Fours are typically very repetitive
  • The point is to disclose every 'twist of character' (= defect of character) and every 'dark cranny of the past' (= bad event)
  • With each twist: find a couple of great examples to illustrate
  • With each cranny: aim to relate the situation and what you did or what happened
  • It's possible to convey an entire character and an entire life in a very short time
  • Preparation
    • Summarise
      • EITHER
        • Use highlighting or sticky notes to tag the important points
      • OR
        • Writing out a summary of:
          • Twists of character, based on:
            • Key resentments
            • Third column
            • Page 67 questions
            • Fear inventory
          • Dark crannies of the past, based on:
            • Page 67 questions
            • Sex inventory
  • Aim for a conversation of between half an hour and two hours
  • Sit down with your listener and read out your summary
  • (If you can't summarise because you don't know how, and the prospect overwhelms you, be prepared to read out your whole Step Four, but your sponsor may help you see where it's becoming repetitive and ask you to skip over any repetitions)
  • Maybe discuss what you have read
  • At the end, look through your Step Four, asking:
    • Is there anything else I need to read out?
    • If there is anything you've missed because it's materially different from what you've read out, read it out
    • If there is anything you feel frightened of reading out, read it out
    • If in doubt, read it out
  • Sit quietly for a few minutes with a pen and a piece of paper and ask your Higher Power to show you anything else you need to say
  • Say it
  • Then you're done
  • Thank your listener
  • Go home
  • Follow the instructions on page 75
    • 'Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand?'
  • If anything comes up, call your sponsor / other listener and talk about it.

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