Q: Do I have to be comfortable with my sponsor?

A sponsor is like a driving instructor. Their qualifications are being good at driving themselves and good at showing other people how to drive. In other words, they have to be advanced in the programme (well into Step Nine), available, and competent. You can establish the first two by asking. You can establish the last (competence) by going for a few 'test lessons', in other words by posing questions and problems, applying the answers and suggestions they offer, and seeing whether this helps.

If they happen to have a pleasant manner, that's great. But it's not obligatory.

If someone is willing to sponsor you, what they're saying is that they're potentially willing to give you hundreds of hours of their free time over years, for free, expecting nothing in return, and in most cases handling quite a lot of your 'behaviours' (let's not go into details, but I was difficult when I was new, and I'm not the only one ...) In other words, the fact of offering a person sponsorship on a serious basis is (in most cases) a demonstration of goodwill and benevolence.

You want them to be charming and genial, too? Well, those qualities don't hurt, but they're not obligatory. You can get pats on the shoulder and fun afternoons over pizza from friends. What sponsors offer—clear guidance on how to work the programme—is a rarer commodity.

Lastly: you have to sense that the person is trustworthy. Whether or not someone is trustworthy is usually self-evident. If you're in doubt, ask around within the group. That's not a bad approach.

If you're not comfortable with anyone in the group, try another group. If you're not comfortable with anyone in two or three groups, it's possible you won't find anyone you're comfortable with anywhere, or what you're looking for is something other than sponsorship.

Meanwhile the clock is ticking on alcoholism—a fatal, progressive, incurable condition, which, if left untreated, could drag you back into a swamp of drinking from which you never emerge. The programme is the treatment, and the sponsor unlocks the programme.

The suggestion, therefore, is to pick the best person available and get on with it. You might not be comfortable, but almost everything worthwhile and absolutely everything new is uncomfortable. Most of us most of the time have to choose between comfort and progress. Choose progress.