You can withdraw from the sponsorship at any time, but first run through some considerations. Switching sponsors usually entails going back to Step One with someone else, which can put you many weeks or months back in your progress through the Steps. It is therefore not something to do lightly.
- What input do I want from my sponsor? (Be very specific: for instance, 'support' is very vague and could cover anything from sympathy, to company, to constructive solutions. Examples: practical tips on how to work the programme; a sounding board to run through alternative courses of action I am considering in specific situations; advice on how to handle a tricky sponsee.)
- Are the things I am seeking from my sponsor legitimate things to seek, from a sponsor or at all? (Ask a sound friend if you're unsure.)
- Are some of the things I am seeking more suited to a partner, a parent, or a friend, or another type of relationship?
- If the input I seek is legitimate, am I actively seeking it (i.e. I am calling and explicitly and unambiguously asking for what I seek? Or am I expecting the sponsor to anticipate, to call me, to discern what I'm after without me saying, or to actively invite me to ask certain questions?)
- Is my sponsor providing the input I am asking for? (NB even if the input does not come in the form that I want or expect, that does not necessarily mean that they are not providing input or that the input is not a precise and tailored answer to the question I am asking.)
- Am I implementing the attitudes and actions offered by my sponsor?
- Am I doing so consistently, diligently, and with an open mind?
- Or do I resist, argue, then ignore them?
- When I implement them consistently, diligently, and with an open mind, do they work?
- If I have bad feelings when I think about or talk to my sponsor, what beliefs and thoughts are generating those ideas?
- Let's critically analyse those beliefs and thoughts. Are they rational? Are they proportionate? Are they realistic? Are they mature?
- Are some of the things I am seeking more suited to a partner, a parent, or a friend, or another type of relationship?
- If the input I seek is legitimate, am I actively seeking it (i.e. I am calling and explicitly and unambiguously asking for what I seek? Or am I expecting the sponsor to anticipate, to call me, to discern what I'm after without me saying, or to actively invite me to ask certain questions?)
- Is my sponsor providing the input I am asking for? (NB even if the input does not come in the form that I want or expect, that does not necessarily mean that they are not providing input or that the input is not a precise and tailored answer to the question I am asking.)
- Am I implementing the attitudes and actions offered by my sponsor?
- Am I doing so consistently, diligently, and with an open mind?
- Or do I resist, argue, then ignore them?
- When I implement them consistently, diligently, and with an open mind, do they work?
- If I have bad feelings when I think about or talk to my sponsor, what beliefs and thoughts are generating those ideas?
- Let's critically analyse those beliefs and thoughts. Are they rational? Are they proportionate? Are they realistic? Are they mature?
This can help identify where the problem, if any, lies.
If there is definitely a problem, here are some more considerations:
- I might rightly conclude that I do not have the most effective sponsor in the world: others are wiser, more practical, more orthodox in their approach to the steps, or have more knowledge or experience etc.
- Others may also be more agreeable.
- But if I switch part-way through the Steps, I will have probably to go back to square one with someone else.
- Play the long game: do I think I will be further ahead in six months by going back to Step One?
- What about if I finish the current process with the current sponsor, then see if I still need to switch?
- Could I keep the current sponsor but supplement the experience by talking to others, as well?
- Remember, sponsors are like plumbers: they are there to do a particular job. The question is: how good is the job they are doing?
- This is answered by asking: How much progress am I making through the Steps, practically and in understanding?
- Others may also be more agreeable.
- But if I switch part-way through the Steps, I will have probably to go back to square one with someone else.
- Play the long game: do I think I will be further ahead in six months by going back to Step One?
- What about if I finish the current process with the current sponsor, then see if I still need to switch?
- Could I keep the current sponsor but supplement the experience by talking to others, as well?
- Remember, sponsors are like plumbers: they are there to do a particular job. The question is: how good is the job they are doing?
- This is answered by asking: How much progress am I making through the Steps, practically and in understanding?
- If progress is being made, practically and in understanding, the sponsorship is working.
- If progress is not being made, is that because I'm getting bad information, because the sponsor is delaying before responding to requests for help, or because I'm not precisely and promptly doing what they suggest?
- How much I am enjoying the process is neither here nor there. Being sponsored is usually not enjoyable. It's challenging, by design.
- I do not enjoy seeing my dental hygienist, but she is very good at removing tartar, so I figure she is a good dental hygienist.
- How well I get on personally with the sponsor is of little relevance: they are not a friend.
- How much I am enjoying the process is neither here nor there. Being sponsored is usually not enjoyable. It's challenging, by design.
- I do not enjoy seeing my dental hygienist, but she is very good at removing tartar, so I figure she is a good dental hygienist.
- How well I get on personally with the sponsor is of little relevance: they are not a friend.
- What matters is whether the actual content of the sponsorship is helping.
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