Q: I feel uncomfortable with my sponsor. Should I end the sponsorship?

If the Steps have been completed, the individual has recovered, and the relationship has matured, a very particular set of circumstances prevails, and it's often quite necessary for the individual to find a new sponsor. The following applies to 'mid-stream' abandonments of the process, which often unnecessarily set the individual back in their recovery.

One can, of course, end a sponsorship relationship at any time. One needn't inform the sponsor. One needn't say why. One can simply stop calling, stop messaging, stop going to the meetings the sponsor goes to, leave all of the WhatsApp groups in common with the sponsor, and essentially vanish.

The more adult approach, however, is to consider any difficulty arising coolly and properly. Almost all difficulties can be resolved swiftly and easily with a brief conversation. Sometimes the ego experiences severe 'side effects' ('Instincts on rampage balk at investigation. The minute we make a serious attempt to probe them, we are liable to suffer severe reactions,' Step Four, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.) These essentially internal struggles are then projected onto AA, some part of AA, a particular group, a particular person or persons, or the sponsor. It's very common for people to ditch a step process or a sponsorship deal for essentially trivial and transitory reasons.

On those rare occasions that it is not possible to resolve a problem with a sponsor directly, discussing the matter with a long-term member of AA who knows the sponsor and is broadly well-disposed to everyone involved can usually defuse the matter and bring some much needed perspective.

If the sponsee really would prefer to drink, to attempt to stay sober without the steps, or to adopt some other approach, that's fine. It is a courtesy to let the sponsor know, however, that they do not want to continue. The reason is almost invariably foolish, or quite sensible but unflattering to the sponsor, and discretion often warrants not disclosing why. Even if a foolish reason is disclosed, and the sponsor provides a reasonable response, the sponsee is usually beyond the point of reason and irretrievably self-reliant, so discussion is futile.

The best approach is to deal with the misgivings promptly and rationally, before escalation takes place.

Here's the motto: unstable people should be careful of doing destabilising things without very sound counsel behind them.