Q: What happens if my sponsee cannot think of anyone to write in the first column of the Step Four?

If the person has not done Step Four, this is plain dishonest.

If the person has done Step Four before and is in reasonable spiritual condition, it's reasonable to be unable to find many or any particular persistent and grave grievances that are preoccupying the individual and eating their lunch. This does not mean this element of Step Four is sunk. Any human being who is neither medicated nor dissociated will have a full range of human emotions, and the negative reactions to stimuli are always highly informative about whatever ego the person has. The ego manifests most prominently as a set of demands; the demands are highlighted by negative emotions: wherever there's a negative emotion, there's a demand that is being flouted. It is worth then considering whether any of these are disproportionate, untimely, or inappropriate or otherwise unusual.

If someone is struggling to find any example of their negative reactions, past or present, they can take the words used in the Big Book as 'trigger' words and phrases:

  • resentful
  • angry
  • hurt
  • threatened
  • sore
  • burned up
  • grudge
  • injuries
  • a sense of being interfered with

... and note down any time any of these arises in response either to an external stimulus or a memory or speculation. A few moments with a thesaurus generates this even better list:

  • afraid
  • aggravated
  • aggrieved
  • alarmed
  • angry
  • bitter
  • bruised
  • burned up
  • disappointed
  • disillusioned
  • disturbed
  • embittered
  • enraged
  • fearful
  • frightened
  • frustrated
  • furious
  • grudge-filled
  • horrified
  • hurt
  • impinged upon
  • incensed
  • incredulous
  • infuriated
  • injured
  • interfered with
  • intimidated
  • irate
  • irritated
  • offended
  • panic-stricken
  • put out
  • rancorous
  • resentful
  • scared
  • sore
  • terrified
  • threatened
  • unnerved
  • violated
  • vulnerable
  • worried
  • wounded
Anyone, within the course of a week, can find a good hundred examples of feeling, at some level, one or more of the above emotions. This list can then act as the starting point. Anyone that cannot find one hundred negative emotions (amongst the thousands of largely neutral or positive ones), providing there is nothing chemically blocking the feeling and identification of emotion, is likely not paying sufficient attention.

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