Q: The programme has not worked! ...?

Q: The programme has not worked! I have low self-esteem, and that leads me to react and have fights with my partner. I think therapy will help. What should I do?

1. The programme provides a means of changing our beliefs, thinking, and behaviour, but we have to do the changing. If we don’t change, the programme hasn’t failed; we have.

2. Low self-worth is a judgement of oneself. It is categorically wrong. People are of value. If one insists that one is right and one has low value, the programme will not stop one, because one has free will. One has to want to change, which means admitting one is wrong.

3. As human beings rather than animals, we have free will. If we react, we are choosing to react. We cannot blame our reactions and actions on our thoughts or emotions.

4. If she is fighting with her boyfriend, the character defects are mean-spiritedness, victimhood, arrogance, and aggression. God must be sought to overcome these.

5. If someone wants to try something other than the programme, good for them. My experience of sponsoring people who are simultaneously having therapy is poor. The two systems of the programme and therapy are usually quite different, and many people find it difficult to adopt two opposing philosophies at once and achieve success. Thinking and talking about oneself and one’s problems and abandoning oneself are incompatible.

6. I would suggest firstly completing the programme and then spending one to two years spending much of one’s free time sponsoring and then seeing if there is a problem.

7. I also suggest working through, with the sponsee, all of the articles on the first164 blog on the topics of thinking (https://first164.blogspot.com/search/label/Thinking), victimhood (https://first164.blogspot.com/search/label/Victimhood), responsibility (https://first164.blogspot.com/search/label/Responsibility), and self-esteem (https://first164.blogspot.com/search/label/Self-esteem).